Healing Secret: Changing That "Victim" Mindset
What I’m about to say is important. When said it feels like it should be so easy, but I realize it may be very difficult for some. If you’re early on in your journey, and you’re not as familiar with feelings of defeat, you’re in luck. I don’t assume you’re as buried in the “victim” mindset yet. However, if you are familiar with “defeat," this scenario probably feels familiar to you: You have such high hopes that a solution you’ve discovered will work out, and it turns out to not be the answer. As that hope + let down cycle continues from one protocol/doctor to the next, you may be a little more, well, stuck.
The victim mindset is this: "Why me? Why is this happening to me?" Whatever is going on with you, you’re always in the “Why me?” state. You’re sad, you’re frustrated, you’re whiney, you complain regularly that it isn’t fair. Examples... Why can my friends eat pizza without gaining a pound, yet if I scroll past one in my newsfeed I gain 3 pounds? Why am I always dealing with a big bloated belly when I do everything right? Why am I forced to deal with depression and sadness while everyone else gets to be happy? You know what I mean.
The victim mindset is dangerous because once you dabble in it, it very rapidly becomes a habit. It becomes the new normal for you, replacing positivity, happiness, and open-mindedness. The negativity is draining, it steals energy and lightness, leaving you lifeless, uninspired, tired, and heavy.
If there’s one thing I tell people who reach out to me asking me what has been working, I always say changing my mindset. The truth is that I see how the victim mindset has affected me and my life (it has greatly), and its presence is way too apparent in the people I speak with. Some of them, while kind, are also short, impatient, and negative, to the point where I need to limit conversation with them solely so they don’t rain on my own spirits. I’m still fragile, so their negativity does affect me. Anyways, don’t let this Negative Nancy be you.
So, the shift… change your perspective about your “struggle" —that's the answer. One thing we get held up on is the idea that it’s not fair that we are going through this. The truth is, everyone faces obstacles each and every day. If it’s not health, it’s something else. Even when you do heal, a new obstacles will come. We will never not be facing something that challenges us. With the realization that struggles are a part of life, and if it was not this, it would surely be something else, we can then accept the situation and move on to consider the positives that come from our struggles.
To shift away from that victim mentality, begin imagining the struggle as a gift. That's right, I said it: a gift. Instead of viewing yourself as a victim going through a struggle, view yourself as a person going through some shit that’s helping you become an even better person, or to teach you new ideas, or to guide you towards a passion, or to inspire you to create something. I know that the "gift" idea doesn't sit well for some, and it may take some time to shift to that perspective. The truth is that you can find positives on this confusing journey.
Trust me, if I had a dollar for every “why me” thought that has come into my mind over the past four years…. but on the flip side:
I’ve learned so much about health and wellness
I’ve learned so much about gut health
I’ve learned the value of eating nourishing, well-grown foods
I’ve learned how to provide my body with what it needs
I’ve learned what to avoid to ensure my body is protected from harmful chemicals and toxins
I’ve realized that people can be as toxic as chemicals, and sometimes we need to cut them out to heal, too
I've learned how the past can manifest itself into a disease, and so it is important to let things go
I’ve become incredibly passionate about health advocacy and food policy
I’ve fallen in love with whole-food eating and nutrition
I’ve learned that nature has provided us with remedies to heal
I’ve learned how to slow down and listen to my body
Not many people on this earth can say the same for themselves. This dysbiosis in my body has forced me to change my ways and to learn and adapt. We all should be slowing down, we all should be eating from clean sources and avoiding toxins, we all should be listening to our bodies, but we live in a society where that is far from the norm. This dysbiosis has given me the chance to learn how to do all of that.
I encourage you to take a notebook or a journal and reflect on the gifts your journey has given you. It may not be easy, and that’s okay. If you dig, you’ll find them.
When you reach the end of this journey, you’ll have grown in so many ways, and you’ll be more prepared for the next obstacle to come your way. You’re not a victim. You’re a student.
